Are You Avoiding Life?

You don't need a dramatic trauma history to be stuck. Sometimes it's the small things—the parent who raged unpredictably, the sibling who got all the attention, the teacher who humiliated you, the friend who betrayed you. Sometimes it's one big thing. Sometimes it's a thousand small things.

What matters isn't how "bad" your trauma was. What matters is how it shaped you.

Common trauma patterns:

  • Constant hypervigilance, waiting for the other shoe to drop

  • Difficulty trusting people even when they've earned it

  • Feeling numb or disconnected from emotions

  • Overworking, overgiving, or overachieving to prove worth

  • Physical symptoms no doctor can explain

  • Avoiding certain places, people, or situations

  • Intrusive thoughts or flashbacks

  • Deep shame about who you are at your core

  • Expert at reading rooms and keeping others comfortable

  • Saying what people want to hear instead of what you think

These aren't character flaws. They're survival strategies. Your nervous system learned to protect you. The problem is, it's still protecting you from threats that aren't there anymore.

When Should You Seek Help?

Seek trauma therapy when:

  • You're experiencing trauma symptoms (flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance)

  • Your coping mechanisms are starting to cause problems

  • You keep ending up in the same relationship dynamics

  • You're tired of performing and want to live authentically

  • You realize surface-level therapy isn't enough anymore

But also—you should seek help if you're just tired. Tired of living this way. Tired of the same patterns. Tired of feeling like you're surviving instead of living.

How Therapy Helps

Trauma therapy with me is about resolution, not just management.

We'll often start with EMDR to reprocess traumatic memories so they lose their emotional charge. This brings relief quickly for many clients—suddenly the memory is just a memory, not a current threat.

Then we dig deeper. We uncover the root beliefs that trauma planted: "I'm unlovable," "I'm not safe," "I have to be perfect." We reframe them. We build new neural pathways.

We also work on learning new skills:

  • How to speak up when you're uncomfortable

  • How to recognize when you're people-pleasing and choose differently

  • How to take ownership of your feelings instead of blaming others

  • How to set boundaries without guilt

  • How to stay present instead of numbing out

  • How to tolerate being misunderstood without abandoning yourself

You won't be good at these things at first. You'll freeze. You'll forget. You'll fall back into old patterns. That's normal. That's the learning process.

Here's What It Takes:

You need to be willing to face the memories you've been avoiding. Not all at once. Not beyond what you can handle. But gradually, yes.

You need to learn to communicate about what's happening in sessions. At first you might say "I'm fine" when you're not. Over time, you'll practice saying "I need to pause," "This is too much," "I'm shutting down right now."

You need to be willing to sit with discomfort during EMDR processing, to trust the method even when it feels weird, to let insights come without intellectualizing them away.

You need to be willing to get curious when I challenge your story, rather than immediately defensive.

None of this comes naturally. These are learned skills. We'll practice them together.

If you can do that? You will be free.

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